Grouchy Bastardism: Verbal Arsonist

When you are a Grouchy Bastard you sometimes say things that hurt other people, it's all part of the ready-fire-aim that is aging and losing your filter... Otherwise known as having zero tact, or as a friend says, becoming a verbal arsonist.

I use to hate that about my Grandma.  I stopped visiting her because she would start visits with comments like, "Wow, you've put on a lot of weight."  or "When are you going to get some decent furniture?" or "Are you still married to her?" and the conversation from there just went downhill.  To be fair, she had dementia in her later years, but she was famous for that kind of inept and uncomfortable dialogue far before that occurred.  The truth is I didn't like that in her because I didn't like it in me.

I hate to admit it, but I am sliding toward Becoming Grandma myself.  What is it that causes us to disregard that little voice that says, "Um, maybe you shouldn't say that out loud.  That could hurt someone's feelings."?  Maybe it is a tiring with pretense?  A cynical view of speaking the truth (or at least my interpretation of the truth)?  Instead of asking questions to understand, I make statements.  Overly bold statements.  Crunch goes the toes of others, and I can't tell you the friends I have hurt with my words.  Since I was a teenager I have moments when I have vivid recall and self-condemnation of words that have come out of my mouth that in recollection were socially awkward and unfiltered and I wish like hell I could take them back.  Once they are in the air, the fire is lit and there is no "unburning" a fire.

"It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. By our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, throw mud on a reputation, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it, smoke right from the pit of hell.

This is scary: You can tame a tiger, but you can’t tame a tongue—it’s never been done. The tongue runs wild, a wanton killer. With our tongues we bless God our Father; with the same tongues we curse the very men and women he made in his image."  (James 3:5-10 The Message)

Yeah, it's like that....verbal arsonism.

I hate that part of me.  It's not bad enough I am a Grouchy Bastard but I just can't bear Becoming Grandma too.  Grandma died alone in a nursing home, she had scorched everyone around her.