A Change of Heart

What if a Grouchy Bastard found time to examine his life.  What if he didn't like what he saw?  The start of a new year can do that; make a person reflect.  It is nauseating replaying mistakes, wincing at memories of things you did and said that you desperately wish you could take back.  The past generates a feeling of fear and self-loathing.  I would sure like to live in the present, but the past and future tell me I will probably mess you just as I have before.

Once a month I air out my fears, and I expose them and remind myself that fear is the opposite of faith.  I make fear squirm in the light.  There is hope that springs from that exercise.  Hope and possibilities when I see all that fear keeps me from doing, and WHAT is the worst that could happen?

Grouchy of not, I have so many unlived dreams and hopes.  Sometimes I can't bear it.  I wish I could stop making excuses and live my life.  I have a bucket list a mile long.  It is intended for a life of adventure, yet I limp along.  Why do I exist if not to try to learn and explore and travel and struggle and create and LIVE A FULL LIFE!!!

First step is to get over my fears, to risk again.  To be wild and free again.